I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
