i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
