I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
