I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
