I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
