I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
