you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
