I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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