I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize