so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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