I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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