i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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