glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
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