I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
She needs sedatives and a leash
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
