Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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