Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
