I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
