I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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