On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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