is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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