oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
