So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
