theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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