are you still at the devil's house?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
