you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
