bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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