you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
