I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
oh god was she eating orange peels again
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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