Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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