i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
