I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
