She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
