Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
