About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
