i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
