My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
