alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
