I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
