ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
