even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
