Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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