whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
