i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize