Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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