I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
