Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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