i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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