I could make wine with my vomit
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
