he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I smell like Dick and happiness
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