she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
