I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
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