It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
