Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
