if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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