Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Someone came in the potted fern
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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