At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
