just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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