I hate all girls vehemently.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
