He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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