I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
