Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
