You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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