had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
