btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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