U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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