i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
