we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
