saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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