I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
