chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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