I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
