Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
