the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize