please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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