All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
A bitchslap is in order.
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