I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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