My nipple is on Facebook.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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