well I can't set my house on fire every night
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm at about main and main street
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
