If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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