So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
