i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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