I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
