Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
