he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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