I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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